Friday, June 18
"I'm sorry I've been such a fucking crappy dad," he said. He just barely hesitates on the word "fuck."
He starts sobbing and I can't even look at him, I have to cover my face. My head is in my hands.
So I sit there, and he tells me how important I am to him, and how we need to communicate. He tells me how he never thought his life would end up like this, how in his 20s and 30s he never thought his family would be like this. He's sobbing and my face is under my bath towel. I can't move, I can't say anything, I can't go and hug him, I can't tell him how much I love him, I can't tell him sorry; he apologizes.
I don't say a word, I'm playing dead. I can hear him stand up and he hugs me and his beard is scratchy and it hurts and he leaves like I hoped he would.
As soon as the door closes, I blow my nose into my towel and let it fall off my face. I look into the mirror and all I see is my dad.
He starts sobbing and I can't even look at him, I have to cover my face. My head is in my hands.
So I sit there, and he tells me how important I am to him, and how we need to communicate. He tells me how he never thought his life would end up like this, how in his 20s and 30s he never thought his family would be like this. He's sobbing and my face is under my bath towel. I can't move, I can't say anything, I can't go and hug him, I can't tell him how much I love him, I can't tell him sorry; he apologizes.
I don't say a word, I'm playing dead. I can hear him stand up and he hugs me and his beard is scratchy and it hurts and he leaves like I hoped he would.
As soon as the door closes, I blow my nose into my towel and let it fall off my face. I look into the mirror and all I see is my dad.
