Tuesday, August 24
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| Been staying home a lot these past few days. It really makes me feel pretty horrible but I can't force myself to do anything else. |
"You smell like spiders."
Saturday, August 21
Some family came over today, they made me feel old but at the same time made me feel like I wasn't old enough.
Everyone that came over (that is, my three youngin' cousins and my aunt) and my grandparents and I all had dinner together. This particular batch of cousins are pretty white-washed so they don't speak any Korean or anything like that, which is a relief. But my grandma would chatter to my aunt in really rapid Korean and my grandpa would peer over his glasses and ask all of my cousins really innocuous questions verrry verrrryyy slowwllyyy in hisss grufffffyyyy asssssssss vooooiicceeee, and I wondered if my little cousins view my grandparents as some weird sort pair of ancient mystic from the Far East (who smell funny). Probably not. And I wonder how my Aunt Grace's perspective of them compares to mine. My grandparents are old.
My youngest cousin is really funny, even though she's kind of tiring. I can't even tell you how long we spent throwing a deflated mylar balloon back and forth.
My dad called today, too. Not as awkward as you'd expect, but he makes me feel guilty for not being very religious. I think he's pretty lonely in Korea.
Anyway, bye!
Everyone that came over (that is, my three youngin' cousins and my aunt) and my grandparents and I all had dinner together. This particular batch of cousins are pretty white-washed so they don't speak any Korean or anything like that, which is a relief. But my grandma would chatter to my aunt in really rapid Korean and my grandpa would peer over his glasses and ask all of my cousins really innocuous questions verrry verrrryyy slowwllyyy in hisss grufffffyyyy asssssssss vooooiicceeee, and I wondered if my little cousins view my grandparents as some weird sort pair of ancient mystic from the Far East (who smell funny). Probably not. And I wonder how my Aunt Grace's perspective of them compares to mine. My grandparents are old.
My youngest cousin is really funny, even though she's kind of tiring. I can't even tell you how long we spent throwing a deflated mylar balloon back and forth.
My dad called today, too. Not as awkward as you'd expect, but he makes me feel guilty for not being very religious. I think he's pretty lonely in Korea.
Anyway, bye!
Thursday, August 5
Biking home late at night, right on the stretch of road between my house and Oxford, I don't think there's been a single instance where I haven't wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs (or whoop, or caw, or make some other stupid noise). And each time I get so close, but I never do. I was pretty close tonight, I practically stopped it midway through my throat (twss). I don't know what always gives me such a strong urge to do something like that and I don't know what always manages to stop me.
On a side note, I kind of played around with the thought of plucking my sunflower and giving it to someone, but I think I better enjoy the idea of having it live on after we've moved out, with whoever decides to buy the house, assuming it stays in bloom that long. I don't know how plant machines work. Plus, its petals are a little too scraggly for me to give that to someone without feeling a little embarrassed.
On a side note, I kind of played around with the thought of plucking my sunflower and giving it to someone, but I think I better enjoy the idea of having it live on after we've moved out, with whoever decides to buy the house, assuming it stays in bloom that long. I don't know how plant machines work. Plus, its petals are a little too scraggly for me to give that to someone without feeling a little embarrassed.
Not everything is a learning experience.
Wednesday, August 4
There's not always a silver lining. And you can't tell yourself that, because that means every time you come out of something shitty you'll try to find some sort of wisdom or lesson in it and many times there won't be, and so you'll come out of these shithead things and you'll think you're better off and more experienced than you really are, which in most cases, you aren't. So cut your losses and realize how shitty life is!
Monday, August 2
I had a dream that I was at college, and we were on boats, for whatever reason, and everyone that went to my college went to Oxford, for whatever reason, and then a huge tsunami came and wiped out all of our shi-et.
Sunday, August 1
I like eating bread, just eating slices of bread. Not like Wonderbread, gross, but like cutting off slices from baguettes or just whole loaves of whatever the fuck kind of bread. I like eating bread with cheese. The word utilitarian comes to mind. I just like eating bread and cheese. Makes me think of this one book I read and re-read when I was in elementary school (junior high?). The Wild Children! Oh yes, The Wild Children, a lovely little book about traveling bands of hobo children orphaned by soldiers during the Bolshevik Revolution. I loved that book, I don't know why. I remember there was a small Russian glossary of words in the back.
I feel like I was so different four years ago. I wonder how I'll be four years from now.
Babushka means grandma, I think.
I feel like I was so different four years ago. I wonder how I'll be four years from now.
Babushka means grandma, I think.