Wednesday, November 12
I still care...? (???)
Tuesday, November 11
I'm trying to figure out why I keep coming back to this the way I do. And why I don't just keep an actual, normal, private diary or journal where I can (probably) be more honest.
But, on second thought, it's kind of nice, having a completely public blog tucked deep in some meatflap of the internet that no one ever visits. Like flashing one's nads into a dark alleyway. I guess I'm just an exhibitionist, in that way. ???
Anyway, reading through this was both depressing and strange. I don't know, though. Shamefully, I've read through this at least a few times but it feels different this time. Maybe I should write more often in here. It might be good for me. Looking back at old posts I cringe but also appreciate the fact that I actually wrote those things out and maybe improved a little bit. I don't know, I seemed to actually care about things and I don't know if I do enough of that now.
I don't know I don't know I don't know, I feel stupid these days. Just stupid. Not strictly in a depressive I'm-a-dum-dum kind of way (though, that also) but mostly in a just, I'm-a-stupid-turd kind of way. Like the opposite of nuanced, whatever that is.
See what I mean?
And now I'm remembering why my posts got so sparse after a while, I'm starting to feel oddly self-indulgent and stupid for taking the time to do this. I don't know.
I guess I'll post a music link now even though it feels weird and forced since those were the parts of my blog that I think I enjoyed the most when going through it.
Nevermind, I seriously racked my brain and I couldn't think of what song to post. So here is Yankee Doodle Dandy, the obvious default choice.
Damn, what the fuck is that last line supposed to be about? With the girls be handy? Isn't this a song about war? Jesus.
But, on second thought, it's kind of nice, having a completely public blog tucked deep in some meatflap of the internet that no one ever visits. Like flashing one's nads into a dark alleyway. I guess I'm just an exhibitionist, in that way. ???
Anyway, reading through this was both depressing and strange. I don't know, though. Shamefully, I've read through this at least a few times but it feels different this time. Maybe I should write more often in here. It might be good for me. Looking back at old posts I cringe but also appreciate the fact that I actually wrote those things out and maybe improved a little bit. I don't know, I seemed to actually care about things and I don't know if I do enough of that now.
I don't know I don't know I don't know, I feel stupid these days. Just stupid. Not strictly in a depressive I'm-a-dum-dum kind of way (though, that also) but mostly in a just, I'm-a-stupid-turd kind of way. Like the opposite of nuanced, whatever that is.
See what I mean?
And now I'm remembering why my posts got so sparse after a while, I'm starting to feel oddly self-indulgent and stupid for taking the time to do this. I don't know.
I guess I'll post a music link now even though it feels weird and forced since those were the parts of my blog that I think I enjoyed the most when going through it.
Nevermind, I seriously racked my brain and I couldn't think of what song to post. So here is Yankee Doodle Dandy, the obvious default choice.
Damn, what the fuck is that last line supposed to be about? With the girls be handy? Isn't this a song about war? Jesus.
Labels: my earlobe hurts, razz-ber-itas, this is stupid, unemployed