Monday, July 27
No more comments!
Got an opinion about that?
Too bad! No comments!
You'll have to tell me through some other form of communication.
So I was searching for something to eat around the house, anything, I was hungry.
And I found an apple! Wonderful.
So I wash the apple, as hygenic people do.
After I finish I open up the dishwasher for a knife.
No knives!
Strange.
I open up that one cabinet with the knife holder built into it (which is kind of cool, by the way).
No dice!
So now I'm pacing the kitchen tossing and twirling the apple up and down, letting all the pesky droplets freckle my ass and titties, wondering where all the knives are.
Where have all of them gone?
Where are they?
Where else could they be?
The best explanation I could think of was that someone is secretly stockpiling all the knives in the house either to a) prepare themselves for some ninja-tastic murderous showdown or b) hide them after staining them with the blood of their victims.
Either way, they could keep the knives, because obviously they had a short temper and wanted them far more than I did, so I resigned to simply biting into that bitch like our ancestors.
So I'm going back to my room, to finish Christmas on Mars, which is a weird as fuck movie, but I'm giving it a chance, and there it is!
A single, baby-blue handled, serrated, fully operational stainless steel knife.
What the hell!
First reaction was joy(HOLY SHIT I WAS JUST EATING A PLUM AND I JUST ATE A WORM, FOR THE SAKE OF THIS POST I'LL CONTINUE EW FUCKING ASS).
Second reaction was fear.
Why fear? (ew, shit disgusting)
Because the knife was on MY NIGHTSTAND, in MY room.
What? Huh?
The only logical explanation was that I am indeed bipolar, and during the night I go out into the streets of Wonju murdering innocents by the score with my vast array of kitchen knives. Of course I'm not sure where other-me hid the other knives, he must of just gotten careless with this one. (my tummy feels sick)
I felt like I was watching Hide and Seek with Robert de Niro. (Pop culture reference!) Although I don't really know what that feels like, since I never watched it, I just read the spoilers online. It got bad reviews anyway.
So I'm a murderer by night, unrelenting blogger by day.
But, anyway, I take the knife, accepting my fate as the next Jack the Ripper, and slice open that juicy whore only to find brownness! Brownness, in MY apple!
It was disgusting. Honestly, it was like someone took a butthole and then grafted the butthole into an apple just as it was beginning to grow creating a weird ass-apple hybrid that looks perfectly normal from the outside but is actually all sorts of disgusting inside.
It was like some weird bacteria brown sludgy city of filth in apple. I didn't really see any worms, and if there were any, they were doing a pretty damn good job of hiding, but shit.
(now I'm thinking about how I just ate one, nasty)
So I give up and begin eating some plums, instead, and begin writing this.
And I'm kind of switching back and forth, letting my creative juices flow and letting some plum juices flow as well! Ha..haha..ha...hahahaha...ha...ha...haha.....ha.
See what I did there?
Well anyway, I'm on my third plum, and after I take the last bite, I see that little tunnel, that little home for that bitch-ass. It's like God doesn't want me eating fruit.
I want to punish that worm so much.
I can see why he'd want to live in a plum though, shit'd be awesome.
Reminds me of James and the Giant Peach.
I think I want to watch that again.
But first, back to Christmas on Mars.
Fred Armisen singing? What the shit?
So there you go. I'm a secret nighttime murderer and an accidental worm eater.
Got an opinion about that?
Too bad! No comments!
You'll have to tell me through some other form of communication.
So I was searching for something to eat around the house, anything, I was hungry.
And I found an apple! Wonderful.
So I wash the apple, as hygenic people do.
After I finish I open up the dishwasher for a knife.
No knives!
Strange.
I open up that one cabinet with the knife holder built into it (which is kind of cool, by the way).
No dice!
So now I'm pacing the kitchen tossing and twirling the apple up and down, letting all the pesky droplets freckle my ass and titties, wondering where all the knives are.
Where have all of them gone?
Where are they?
Where else could they be?
The best explanation I could think of was that someone is secretly stockpiling all the knives in the house either to a) prepare themselves for some ninja-tastic murderous showdown or b) hide them after staining them with the blood of their victims.
Either way, they could keep the knives, because obviously they had a short temper and wanted them far more than I did, so I resigned to simply biting into that bitch like our ancestors.
So I'm going back to my room, to finish Christmas on Mars, which is a weird as fuck movie, but I'm giving it a chance, and there it is!
A single, baby-blue handled, serrated, fully operational stainless steel knife.
What the hell!
First reaction was joy(HOLY SHIT I WAS JUST EATING A PLUM AND I JUST ATE A WORM, FOR THE SAKE OF THIS POST I'LL CONTINUE EW FUCKING ASS).
Second reaction was fear.
Why fear? (ew, shit disgusting)
Because the knife was on MY NIGHTSTAND, in MY room.
What? Huh?
The only logical explanation was that I am indeed bipolar, and during the night I go out into the streets of Wonju murdering innocents by the score with my vast array of kitchen knives. Of course I'm not sure where other-me hid the other knives, he must of just gotten careless with this one. (my tummy feels sick)
I felt like I was watching Hide and Seek with Robert de Niro. (Pop culture reference!) Although I don't really know what that feels like, since I never watched it, I just read the spoilers online. It got bad reviews anyway.
So I'm a murderer by night, unrelenting blogger by day.
But, anyway, I take the knife, accepting my fate as the next Jack the Ripper, and slice open that juicy whore only to find brownness! Brownness, in MY apple!
It was disgusting. Honestly, it was like someone took a butthole and then grafted the butthole into an apple just as it was beginning to grow creating a weird ass-apple hybrid that looks perfectly normal from the outside but is actually all sorts of disgusting inside.
It was like some weird bacteria brown sludgy city of filth in apple. I didn't really see any worms, and if there were any, they were doing a pretty damn good job of hiding, but shit.
(now I'm thinking about how I just ate one, nasty)
So I give up and begin eating some plums, instead, and begin writing this.
And I'm kind of switching back and forth, letting my creative juices flow and letting some plum juices flow as well! Ha..haha..ha...hahahaha...ha...ha...haha.....ha.
See what I did there?
Well anyway, I'm on my third plum, and after I take the last bite, I see that little tunnel, that little home for that bitch-ass. It's like God doesn't want me eating fruit.
I want to punish that worm so much.
I can see why he'd want to live in a plum though, shit'd be awesome.
Reminds me of James and the Giant Peach.
I think I want to watch that again.
But first, back to Christmas on Mars.
Fred Armisen singing? What the shit?
So there you go. I'm a secret nighttime murderer and an accidental worm eater.
Labels: boredom, i have no chair to sit on, seriously
