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"The Lifeguard" by James Dickey

Monday, May 24

In a stable of boats I lie still,
From all sleeping children hidden.
The leap of a fish from its shadow
Makes the whole lake instantly tremble.
With my foot on the water, I feel
The moon outside

Take on the utmost of its power.
I rise and go our through the boats.
I set my broad sole upon silver,
On the skin of the sky, on the moonlight,
Stepping outward from earth onto water
In quest of the miracle

This village of children believed
That I could perform as I dived
For one who had sunk from my sight.
I saw his cropped haircut go under.
I leapt, and my steep body flashed
Once, in the sun.

Dark drew all the light from my eyes.
Like a man who explores his death
By the pull of his slow-moving shoulders,
I hung head down in the cold,
Wide-eyed, contained, and alone
Among the weeds,

And my fingertips turned into stone
From clutching immovable blackness.
Time after time I leapt upward
Exploding in breath, and fell back
From the change in the children's faces
At my defeat.

Beneath them I swam to the boathouse
With only my life in my arms
To wait for the lake to shine back
At the risen moon with such power
That my steps on the light of the ripples
Might be sustained.

Beneath me is nothing but brightness
Like the ghost of a snowfield in summer.
As I move toward the center of the lake,
Which is also the center of the moon,
I am thinking of how I may be
The savior of one

Who has already died in my care.
The dark trees fade from around me.
The moon's dust hovers together.
I call softly out, and the child's
Voice answers through blinding water.
Patiently, slowly,

He rises, dilating to break
The surface of stone with his forehead.
He is one I do not remember
Having ever seen in his life.
The ground I stand on is trembling
Upon his smile.

I wash the black mud from my hands.
On a light given off by the grave
I kneel in the quick of the moon
At the heart of a distant forest
And hold in my arms a child
Of water, water, water.




_________________________________________
I bought this somewhat obscure poetry anthology from the swap meet about a year ago. I only really bought it because its now ironic subtitle of "An Anthology of Contemporary American Poetry," since it's like 45 years old, and also because of the cover art.
Lame, right? But now I love it and I can't imagine what it'd be like if I never decided to pick it up.

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Tuesday, November 17
I woke up about 10 minutes ago from this really satisfying dream about school, only to realize I still haven't started my Physics homework (or finished any of my college things, for that matter [or even started any of my math homework, for the matter of that matter]).
My dream was weird, needless to say. It involved Mrs. Miner, I'll give you that much.

I realized there was a meteor shower so I got really excited and went outside to look, but my neck started hurting, and I couldn't spot any, so I came back. I did see more stars than I had seen in a while though. I saw the Big Dipper, I think, and various other constellations the names of which I've long forgotten.
And at first I was kind of sad I didn't get to see any meteors (although I'm almost positive I just wasn't looking hard enough), but the cold helped me get over it quickly.
And this came later, but I also took comfort in the fact that these meteors would "shower" whether I watch them or not, or whether anyone watches them, really. And that there have been meteors whirling (somewhere) through space every single Earth night (and Earth day) of my life (and at an exactly constant velocity! isn't that weird?). And how at this very moment, there are black holes sucking and super massive volcanoes blowing and suns dying and planets colliding and whatever other epic shit happens in space, happening!
Even the constellations are enough for me, they're always there, and they'll always  be there, whether you look up or you don't (well, until they die, I guess).
And even after us humans become extinct (It'll happen!), the sun will continue to rise and set, with or without us (or DST).

And then I could go on to describe all the things in nature that would continue blah blah blah blah blah blah roosters crowing flowers opening and closing california wildfires waves tsunamis snowstorms blizzards bear attacks earthquakes giant squid battle royales

humans are tiny

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